


As We Know It

by tuesday



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: 5 Things, Apocalypse, Canon-Typical Violence, Fourth Wall, Gen, Giant Spiders, Other, Zombies, secondary character: Pierre (Stardew Valley), secondary character: the Wizard (Stardew Valley)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 05:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8878393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: Four times it wasn't the end of the world, and one time it was.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [graveExcitement (arachnids)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arachnids/gifts).



> I loved your letter, graveExcitement, and while real life got in the way of writing you several fic in several fandoms, I hope this mostly upbeat apoca-fic with a nonbinary player character (and zombies!) has something you can enjoy. Have a happy Yuletide!
> 
> A general note: The beginning and end of this fic are a bit meta, but it can be read without section 0 and section -1.

0

A cursor hovered over NEW.

Someone took a deep breath, let the anticipation build.

With a single click, a new world was born.

 

+1 The Sludge Invasion (Courtesy of a Careless Farmer)

Stardew Valley was known for many things: delicious soup, its varied grange displays, the Festival of the Moonlight Jellies, and its sleepy, but pleasant atmosphere. Nowhere on this list was the item, "being overrun with monsters."

Abigail peeked out from the store's front window to see that no, her eyes did not deceive her. It would appear the list needed updating.

Haley ran shrieking past, headed in the direction of JojaMart. Penny stood on a bench some distance off, kicking away a blue slime each time it tried to hop closer. By a tree, Vincent poked a green one with a stick.

Harvey clattered into the shop, slamming the door heavily behind him. 

"What's going on out there?" Pierre asked.

"I think the Farmer," Harvey paused to swallow heavily, take a deep breath. "I think they started a breeding program?"

Pierre stared blankly. "I thought they were talking about sheep."

"Noooo," Harvey said. "Or at least, it didn't end there."

Outside the window, Sam skidded up to his brother's side on his skateboard, lifted Vincent into a fireman's carry, and sped off again, stick and slime abandoned. A gridball sailed past to lodge in its side. There was distant shouting, and was that—a sludge invasion was apparently enough to bring Marlon down from the mountain.

"That's it," Abigail declared, grabbing a nearby broom. "I am not missing out on the most exciting thing to happen here in ages."

"Get back here, young lady!" Caroline called, but Abigail was already out the door.

The shouting, it turned out, was the Farmer, doing their level best to herd the escaped slimes back to their farm and the sludge pens.

"I'm really sorry," the Farmer said glumly as yet another slime exploded into little slime clumps and Marlon gave a brief battle cry. "I swear I've learned my lesson about not double-stacking the fences."

(A little less than a year later and newly married, Abigail reflected that she should not have been surprised at the horde in the house.)

 

+2 A Wizard Did It

A wizard, not the Wizard. This was an important distinction.

"This is amazing," the Farmer said.

A whistling sound alerted Abigail to another incoming meteor, and she dragged the Farmer further away from the Wizard's tower. The meteor bounced off the air a few feet from the tower, a flash of purple indicating the Wizard's shield was still going strong.

"I am going to be able to mine so much Iridium!" the Farmer said.

"Not if you die in a hail of fiery rocks first." As if finally acknowledging her point, the Farmer stopped resisting and allowed Abigail to drag them past the pond and toward town.

"It's just." The Farmer looked almost like they were going to cry. "It's just so beautiful."

 

+3 Science Gone Horribly Wrong (and Terrifically Right)

"Spiders," Abigail moaned. "Why did it have to be spiders?"

Maru wielded a wrench like a club. "Dad really needs to stick to dissection."

"I don't know," the Farmer said. "They're kind of cute." They brought an actual club down on one's fuzzy, chitinous body. "And they drop great loot!"

Abigail shuddered at the twitching legs that remained, even as the Farmer stuffed them into their knapsack.

"Right," Maru said. "This calls for drastic measures." She darted past her telescope and into the house. Abigail thought longingly of following her.

"I wonder if Demetrius would be willing to sell me some of the eggs," the Farmer said. And that, right there, was why Abigail was not leaving the Farmer alone out here. "I mean, he couldn't have known about their accelerated growth rate, but now that we do—"

A loud, clanking, grinding, whistling cacophony interrupted the Farmer's thoughts before Abigail could. Maru opened her bedroom door, and a steaming metallic monstrosity clambered out. Maru put her hands on her hips and grinned triumphantly. "Presenting my latest creation!" The metal monster contorted itself in what might generously be termed a mimicking pose, though it had far too many limbs to do so effectively.

What followed was beyond Abigail to describe, though she was certain it would feature heavily in her nightmares for years to come. All her late night sword practice was little help in the face of all those gleaming, glittering eyes, the fuzzy legs, and the chittering—dear Yoba, the chittering. 

Some time later, when it was all over and Abigail had somewhat recovered from her panic attack, the Farmer rubbing her back and Maru crooning over her machine, slightly dented and whistling, but still working, Demetrius and Robin ambled into view, back from one of their walks. They stared at the pile of spider legs. They stared at the ichor-covered band of heroes. They stared back at the spider legs.

"What on earth?"

Maru explained. Or at least, she tried to. The situation was not quite what they thought. Abigail did not want to know how this happened if Demetrius did not have a hand in it. The Farmer had assured her that the Caves were free of giant spiders. 

"So you really didn't engineer an army of giant mutant spiders?" Abigail asked, unsure what she wanted the answer to be.

"No," Demetrius said. "No, I did not." He paused, looked thoughtful. "At least, not on purpose."

Well. Not that. Abigail looked at Maru. Maru shrugged sheepishly, as if to say, "I'll try to keep a better eye out." The Farmer stared at Demetrius, impressed. She grabbed their hand before they could ask Demetrius about the eggs.

"Let's finish _our_ walk." The Farmer nodded.

"Well," Abigail heard Robin say behind them as she firmly tugged the Farmer in the direction of the lake, trying to ignore the knapsack's jittering. "At least no one blew up the house."

 

+4 Zombies

Abigail, no matter her moments of teenage rebellion, did not shop at JojaMart. Thus, the first thing she knew of the problem was during her morning constitutional. She was standing on the bridge, enjoying the light breeze and watching for the occasional flash of color that signaled fish in the sparkling water, when she heard the moaning. It was long, and low, and mostly vowel sounds. It was coming from the direction of the JojaMart. Shambling figures emerged slowly from the blocky building. 

Abigail had seen the movies. She knew what this was. "Zombie apocalypse," she whispered to herself. She couldn't help the wide, wild smile that stole onto her face. She turned in the direction of home. This time, she was getting her sword.

When she returned, the Farmer was standing on the bridge, expression grim. Their fists were clenched. She stood next to them, waiting. The zombies were really, really slow. 

"JojaCorp." The Farmer spoke the word like a curse, like a vow.

"Joja zombies," Abigail agreed cheerfully.

The Farmer did a double-take at the sight of her sword. "Uh, you're not—" They trailed off, as though unsure how to finish that sentence.

"It's blunted," Abigail said, defensive. Only because she hadn't sharpened it after all that practice on trees, but still. Sam's blond hair could be made out in the middle of the moaning crowd, the hat of his uniform presumably trampled somewhere inside. Shane was probably somewhere in there, too. "Do you think this has anything to do with the premiere of JojaCola Z?"

"I think prolonged exposure to JojaCorp could turn anyone into a drooling, brainless, soulless husk of their former selves," the Farmer said. Abigail was reminded, suddenly, that before the Farmer was a farmer, they were an office drone. Reluctantly, they added, "But yes, probably."

"Think the Wizard can fix it?"

"I hope so."

Abigail cracked her knuckles. "If not, maybe we can beat some sense into them."

The Wizard did, eventually, show up to fix it, but not before they'd busted a few heads and teamed up to throw Sam in the drink. (It was not the first time that Sam had ended up in the river, and Abigail suspected it would not be the last.) Half the town—not including those who were part of the shambling masses—turned up to watch.

"Oh, my head," complained the shady guy who managed the place. "My _nose_. What happened?"

Abigail hid her sword behind her, conveniently hiding her bruised knuckles, too. The Farmer quickly shoved their club into their knapsack. The Wizard looked unimpressed with everyone.

"You may want to rethink your most recent product," the Wizard said before teleporting away. 

Show over, the crowd began to disperse. When Abigail turned for home, however, Pierre stood in her path, his arms crossed. She had no idea how long her dad had been there or how much he'd seen.

"Um." Abigail couldn't decide whether this called for defiance or apologies. Either way, she was almost certainly grounded. She looked to the Farmer, who was edging carefully around Pierre, trying not to attract his attention. Their eyes met; the Farmer solemnly shook his head. There would be no help from that quarter.

"I can't believe it." Pierre shook his head as he approached. He didn't look angry—he looked disappointed. Abigail gulped. "I just can't believe I missed it!" He threw his arms around her. "Did you really punch that smug jerk right in the face? I'm so proud of you!"

Over his shoulder, Abigail saw the Farmer give her two thumbs up. She was too shocked to glare.

"That's my little girl!"

"Dad, he was all zombified."

"Yes, the perfect excuse." After her parents' reaction to the sludge invasion, this was really not what she was expecting. Pierre drew back, his mien serious. "But we can never, ever tell your mother."

"Sounds good to me," Abigail weakly agreed.

Pierre grinned again. "Do you think you broke his nose? I hope you broke his nose."

The Farmer went back to creeping away.

(In retrospect, it made sense the Farmer waited nearly the full year to propose. She wouldn't want to be her dad's rival, either.)

 

-1

The story was over. The hard drive was getting full. The cursor hovered over the icon for deletion. It was the smart decision, the best decision. Even if the player came back to the game, this save file had run its course. This world was at its end. It would be silly to get sentimental over a bunch of pixels and code.

And yet—

The cursor moved. Clicked BACK and EXIT. Moved the save file to a collection of those never to be accessed again.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

It was a nice thought. The player liked to believe it was true.


End file.
